Dear LIFE, This is What You've Done to Me

I do everything too much I just take turns with what it is I do too much. I don't believe in Puppies and Babies, the only thing more disgusting is licking a park bench, which is likely to happen with the subjects mentioned. I don't do drama, can't stand it. I do enjoy gossip though, I just like being informed. I have more tolerance for the slow than the lazy. I will not tame my words to be easier to hear. I will explain them. I have a bad habit of ordering one more drink and eating all the cheese. I think a difference of opinion is the best thing that can be encountered. I strive not to drive because I don't want to be prison raped, due to the incarceration from a possible DUI. Every now and then I think "what would this person do if I kissed them." Not in a normal moment, but in the middle of them talking about their job or hummus, you know just randomly. Not even someone I'm attracted to. Or hit them with my car that's always a favorite to. But this does bring me back to the prison rape. I want to start eating and never stop. I used to let the little fat boy in me shop, but the old man tells me that it is getting expensive. I wish I could be addicted to something healthy. It's always diet pills, drinking or hating myself. Now that I've hit that scary level I'll tell ya I believe in myth and magic and dream of finding a fairy all of my own one day.

I spend a lot of time watching movies and working. And that is a pleasant change from being trapped in my own head thinking about the catastrophe that my life has become. I enjoy anything that involves a little escapism. I'm into my job and developing my future, in my 30s I've come to want more. Whatever that may be, like more time, another cup of coffee or another hour before work. I love a night, and early morning, out on the town. I find though that when I do that it takes me a while now to get back to normal. What ever happened to being able to bounce back and have an easy day at work, instead I want to die to get out of this body and clear my head, regain focus, make a time machine go back and never drink that much in the first place! Music with a bottle of wine and a sharp cheese used to be a recipe for a good time, now I think of the indigestion that will cripple me for hours. LIFE it just never stop! It seems like when I get all my balls in the air another one drops into my lap. Is it wrong that I want to take the sole of a teenager to turn back my internal clock to my early 20s again? A little bit of child sacrifice never hurt anyone. I need to start movie night again. I also need to start being a drunk again, if only to catch up with my friends. Alas still no time machine. Is there an AA for being for too much sobriety? Because I don't feel right yet. Isn't supposed to all be in place by now?